365 days....

Well today is my Cancerversary.  One year ago today I got the phone call that confirmed I had breast cancer.  I can still go back and put myself right back in that place sitting in my office when the doctor called.  It still is very surreal to me and I still don't feel like a survivor.  I do look at things differently now and take a bit more time to just "be".  This whole process has given me such a different outlook on life, with everything.  Things that used to get me worked up or stressed are still there but I just deal with them differently.  I choose to focus more on my family and making the most of every minute.

I do have fear of recurrence but it does not consume me.  I have no control over if it comes back much like I had no control over getting it in the first place.  I can't let myself live in that place of fear and worry.  It is just not productive for me or anyone around me, especially my kids.  They need to see that I have beat this and that I am going to be okay.  To be honest it is just not me to focus on the negative and borrow worries.  I was taught long ago that I should not worry about things I can't control and this is just one of those things.  I can only deal with what is actually in front of me and as of now I "had" cancer but it NEVER had me!

I have not been blogging that much about the reconstruction process, it is just too personal I guess.  Something that is so visual just kind of speaks for itself.  If you were to meet me today you would never know I had cancer, I just look like anyone else with a short haircut.  I have had one surgery back in May and 4-5 small "procedures" over the past 2-3 months as well.  My next surgery will be sometime in October but I am not sure of the exact date yet.  This will be that last big surgery I have and will only have 2 more small "touch ups" to do early in 2015.  I am really looking forward to it all being behind me and I don't have the next thing to plan for.

My hair is coming back and like I said it just looks like I have a short hair cut.  I have very curly hair so I have already straightened my hair twice and will continue to do that until it gets to a length that pulls more of the curl out.  I am not a big fan of my short hair but I am just glad it is coming back.  I still take my Biotin everyday as well as use my special shampoo/conditioner and it seems to be effective, as far as I can tell.  I just don't think it will ever be fast enough for me.  I don't think I will ever grow it as long as it was before I got sick but I know I want it a least to my shoulders.  I have had quite a few folks tell me that they like the short hair and it is very easy to deal with but I just don't think it is something I will ever get used to.

For those of you who don't know, I am walking in the Avon walk for Breast Cancer this year in Santa Barbara with a few of my family members.  We will be walking 39.9 miles over 2 days in and around Santa Barbara and ending in Carpenteria the first weekend of September.  My mom and I did this walk 16 years ago when it was 75 miles over 3 days but this year is going to be a totally different experience for me.  I know it is going to be a very emotional weekend and I am a little anxious about it but am so happy I will be surrounded by so much love and support from my family.  So far our team has raised over $9000 but we need to get to $14,000 before the walk.  If you want to help please go to this link below to donate directly.

http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/LosAngeles?px=7472735&pg=personal&fr_id=2365

Thank you to all that have already donated and supported me and my team.  I will update you right before the walk and the day after as well to let you all know how it was.  I am looking forward to a GREAT weekend for sure!!

As always, thank you for all the love and support!