I think it is starting to sink in.

I still can't believe that I am here.  It still feel like I am in a dream and none of this is really happening.  There are brief (very brief) moments that I forget and feel "normal".  But then my arm hurts, or eat something or I just look in the mirror, I DO have Breast Cancer.  Even saying those words sounds like I am making it up, like I am saying some horrible lie that makes no sense.  I try to tell myself this is no big deal that it is like having a cold and I just need to take my meds and all will be fine.  I get angry that I get so tired and sore.

The mouth sores have begun and I can't taste a thing!  Everything hurts to eat even yogurt is painful.  I have a sore down in my throat on the left side so smoothies seem to be the easiest thing to deal with but sometimes you just want to chew something.  The roof of my mouth feels rough like I burned it.  The Doc gave me a mouthwash to help with the pain.  It basically just numbs my entire mouth for an hour or so, it's like that Chloreseptic spray on steroids.  I only use it a few times a day because it tastes really bad and having a numb mouth all day is not that great.

I had a fun quick "reunion" last night with some girlfriends from high school, it was so nice to see them and just laugh.  It is amazing to me how you can go over 20 years and just pick up at the same place like no time has passed.  We covered a lot of ground last night from Hollywood tours, fashion, kids, families, jobs, the proper "fold" and of course how V-town is such a small world.

I came across a great video on the Breast Cancer site yesterday.  Here is the link if you would like to watch it,
http://supportthefightagainstbreastcancer.com/stuff-breast-cancer-surviors-say/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=bcsfan&utm_campaign=stuff-breast-cancer-surviors-say&utm_term=20130927

It made me laugh and cry but most of all it helped me realize that all of the things I am "feeling" are normal, this is my new normal and that this is not a cold.  I need to listen to my body and rest when I can and that's okay.  I am used to being busy... really busy all the time.  All of this down time is strange to me I don't know what to do with myself sometimes.  I am so glad that the new TV season is starting and I can stop watching re-runs.  I have had so many visitors and that has been so good for me, that along with this blog really help me to pass the time and keep busy.

Thanks for all of the positive feedback and energy!  I can fell all the love everyday!!!