Well my last treatment was a couple of days ago and now I find myself asking more and more what's next? I didn't make a big hoopla about my last treatment, didn't make signs, bring balloons or even bake cupcakes for everyone to share. At the end of it all, all I wanted to do was thank all of the people who were there every week for me. They were so great every time I had a reaction they were there to help me, they put up with all my questions and were always there. I don't know if I will ever see them again unless I stop in for a visit but I hope they all know how much they meant to me. Maybe I will make it an annual thing and bring them a treat every year on the anniversary of my first treatment. My oldest son went with me on my last treatment day too. He wanted to see what it was all about start to finish, I think he was disappointed a little bit because I slept so much, at least he brought a good book and got some reading done. 
My last treatment was on my actual birthday and the nurses were so sweet they had a cupcake for me and sang me happy birthday too. The kids made signs for me to see when I came home and a few of my girlfriends even decorated my car for me on a cold super bowl Sunday night. I felt so much love on my birthday but was still so torn up with emotion.
I get so emotional when I think about ending treatment. I have spent the last 6 months running from appointment to appointment, treatment to treatment and scan to scan. Now it all ends and I just have to wait, to say it didn't scare me I would be lying. I have a CT scan early next week and then I meet with my oncologist the first part of March and every 3 months for the next 3 years. There is no more medication for me to take and no more scans to be done. I just have to have faith and wait. They say that the magic number is 3-5 years so by the time we have a senior in high school I might be able to breathe a little easier. 
I decided I needed a new focus so my mom and I are going to walk in the Avon Breast Cancer walk in September. We did it 16 years ago when it was a 3 day walk and 75 miles, now it is down to 2 days but still 39 miles. We each need to raise $1800 to be able to participate and I would love it if you could support me. It starts in Santa Barbara and we walk along the coast for 2 days. It really is an amazing experience and I can't wait to experience it this time as a SURVIVOR. If you would like to walk with us I would love it, all you have to do is register and send me your participant # so I can add you to our team. So far there are 6 of us on the team, which I have named "Girls On the Verge" cause we are always on the verge of something. Here is the link to site where you can sign up to walk, donate to my total or just read more about it. 
http://www.avonwalk.org/santa-barbara/
I need something to keep my mind busy and I hope this is it and it helps me to not be so scared.
