"A Good Day"

     My mom has been at my house everyday since my brain surgery just to be with me and to help me do whatever I need to get done.  We have been cleaning out a lot of cabinets and drawers and getting rid of a ton of stuff as well.  I came across an old notebook that I believe belonged to Davis. It has to be at least 5 years old, so he would have been around 8.  Inside I found an essay about the Packers and a poem he had written titled....
         
                           "A Good Day"

         This is not a day that will be bad, or make you sad.
         This day will be good.  Is that understood!?
         Yes, this day will be nice, made of sugar and spice.
         Yes, that is a good guess, this day will be the best.
         The day is what you make of it.
         So make today a good day."


     So I guess he must be my kid, and I'm so glad he makes the choice everyday to be happy.  I continue do the same and choose to be happy.  I have had a good week and have been working with the doctors to get a handle on my pain medicine and manage my pain.  The majority of my pain is still in my back and my left hip. It's funny how different pain meds effect the different areas of pain.  I have pain patches that deliver meds continually (although I don't really know that their working) and then I have 2 other meds for "break through pain".  In my mind I am just having too much break through pain and I need to figure out how to manage it better.  I do feel better when I move so I'm trying to stay active as much as possible and am still wearing a path in the floor around my house.

     We were able to make our annual shopping trip for Christmas and it was a pretty successful night.  I think I am about 80% done with my shopping and thanks to my mom who has been wrapping as we go so we are doing pretty well.  I was even able to get some new jammies as well.  I would stay in jammies all day everyday if I thought I could get away with it although I may embarrass my kids a bit at the grocery store or the mall.  We had such a fun night snacking on food and yummy hot chocolate while we listened to a great live band and shopped the night away.

The kids are all doing well and we have had many discussions that I think have gone very well.  I continue to have good days and bad days but Peter and I have each other to lean on and do so as much as needed.  I was able to go to Davis' football banquet the other night and celebrate his first football season with family and friends.  It was a long night but a very fun night capped off by Davis getting the Offensive Player of the Year award as well as the Presidential Academic award for having a 4.0.  I really feel like this whole process is a blessing for my family.  How lucky I am to have the opportunity to spend time with everyone I love and who mean the most to me and be aware of how meaningful this time is.  Usually when we lose someone we love we wish we were able to tell them one more time how much they meant to us or how much we loved them and in this situation I get that chance to say exactly what I want them all to know over and over again and they get to hear it from me.  What a blessing that is to have that knowledge and awareness in the moment!  While I am still fighting with everything I have, as hard as I can I am also not wasting one minute of any day!

I am still making my list and crossing things off as I go.  Although most days I feel like I am crossing off 5 things only to add 10 more to the list. But I am making progress.  I have at least consolidated the 5 lists I had all into one master list of things I need to get done.  It is sometimes funny to read the list because it truly is all over the map. Ranging from letters I need to write to each of my kids for milestones they will reach in their lives to the fact that I have to make a nail appointment next week.  As I have always said, straight from Miranda Lambert herself "it doesn't matter how you feel, it only matters what you look like."

I had my radiation treatment today and as expected I was very nervous and I had one of my shiver spells right before I went in, much like I did when they did the mask fitting yesterday. I finally realized that the shivers are partially because I am cold and they happen at home almost everyday but I think the ones that happen at the hospital are more anxiety than from actually being cold. I shake uncontrollably and it can be kind of embarrassing.  It also made it hard when they put the mask on as well because it is such a tight fit.  I had both my neurosurgeon and radiologist at my treatment which was very reassuring for me.  They were both very happy in how the treatment went and I have another follow up in early February and then another MRI in late March.  So we can check that one off my list and move full force ahead on the next thing.

We got some great news today, the request for my out of network request to go to City of Hope was approved and I have an appointment early next week.  I have collected all of the information, scans, notes and details to take with me and with some help, luck, great friends and endless work by my amazing husband we got the approval today.  I could not be happier, I know there are no guarantees but this is just one more resource and one more way to fight this battle because I am not giving up!