Strength, focus and clarity

I have been wanting to send out an update for a while but am still trying to wrap my mind around all that has happened over the past 6 weeks.  There is so much to talk about and so many things to check off as I go.  I have always been a list person and its like I want to project manage my way through this process.  I have no doubt in the outcome of this journey... NOT ONE DOUBT and I want to get busy moving forward.  I know the process is going to suck!  Its going to hurt, its going to be hard, its going to be long but I will be a better person on the other end and my family will be eternally blessed having gone through it.

I really was ready the day of surgery and was surrounded by my family and friends (even at 5:30am) once again with more support than I could ever ask for.  The surgery went very well.  They got all they wanted and the entire team was so happy with the results.  I went in at about 7:30 Monday the 10th and it lasted just under 3 hours.  They expected my left eye to swell shut like Rocky and the bruising to be pretty bad but for the most part it has been minimal.  I stayed in the hospital until Thursday, my biggest issue was my heart rate, mine is very slow.... very slow.  They had to turn all the alarms off because my resting heart rate is under 40 and at one point got as low as 27 beats a minute.  I am strong and healing everyday getting ready for the next thing.  I am laying low but still doing "things".  

I have had a steady stream of visitors and it has been nice to see people although I get tired pretty fast.  I was not sure who would want to see me since I have to keep the "cut" uncovered for best recovery and it is not pretty.  I have a cut about 8 inches long that goes from the middle of my forehead down to the left in my hair line all the way down in front of my left ear.  They shaved my head all along that side so everything looks off balance.  When I got home and took the bandage off I was surprised how big the cut was and that it was in front of my ear.   It looks like once my hair comes back in it will totally cover the scar and in a few years the way I do my hair you probably won't even see it at all.  I was able to get my head wet today for the first time and it felt so good just to let the water fall over me.   All I can do is let it run over my head, no soap or rubbing and pat dry but at least it can just fall on my head for a bit.  I have 35 staples perfectly placed along the cut and they will come out the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  


I am still taking steroids and anti seizure meds along with a few other meds and of course something for pain.  The pain is there but no where near what it was before.  The pain now is mostly pressure and around my entire head.  We are now on kind of a dual track for step one, first is surgery recovery and healing.  To physically recover from brain surgery and to make sure I heal and gain strength for other track of radiology.  My radiation is called Gamma knife and will be done on 12/10.  It will be an all day appointment with the actual radiation only being a onetime zap for about 20-30 minutes.  The reason it is all day is the mapping, the targeted treatment is so mathematically calculated it slows the process down so much.  The good news is that with this treatment it is only one day and I won't have many side effects like skin burns or a lot of discomfort during the procedure.   

I am so thankful for this approach, radiation is scary to me, much more than chemo ever was so the fact that this is a one time thing makes me happy.  When I went through all of this last year I won't say it was easy but I feel like it was just to prepare me, educate me on the world of cancer.  I have no cancer in my history.  My family has never had to deal with anything like this so last year really was an opportunity to learn.  Now I am ready to fight!  Fight like I only know how.... with everything I have.  I am a pretty tough person by nature and usually get what I want and I look at this in much the same way.  I will get exactly what I want!

 I GOT THIS!!!!!  I want to scream from the mountains their is no doom and gloom here!  We are strong! We are fighting and we are moving forward one day at a time one foot in front of the other.  I have the strongest support around me.  I have the best husband by my side every step of the way and the 3 best kids who KNOW how strong their mom is and have every confidence in me.  I have read every text message, FB post and email.  I have read every card and listened to every voicemail.  I feel the thoughts, prayers and love every minute of every day.  I may not be responding to them but please know I read them all and they mean the world to me.  

I will continue to post as I battle this.  Thank you for all the love and support.  Stop by for a visit if you would like I would love to see some smiling faces.