Staying optimistic during a rough couple of weeks

     I know it has been a while since I have sent out an update but I have had a few rough weeks.  I have had an ER visit, multiple scans, multiple scans canceled, lots of pain and lots of sleepless nights.  I try to deal with them all one at a time but most of the time all I want to do is curl up in bed and take a nap.  Sleeping has become a long lost friend, with all the pain in my back I can't get into a comfortable position.  When you have a sore back it's usually a strained or pulled muscle and ice and heat make a difference. You can lay in a way that gives some relief.  With cancer in your bones there is no relief, it is solid bone that heat or ice will not penetrate or help.  I can't lay a certain way, add a pillow or stretch to help, I just need to take another pain pill and hope the sleeping pills that the doctor gave me will work.

     I had so much pain the past few weeks it was nuts!  I was already at the hospital for a bone scan and had actually had the contrast injection done for the scan but the pain had gotten too bad.  I started by going to urgent care but quickly decided that I needed to be in the ER.  My oncologist always tells me to go to the ER because they have what I need in the way of treatment and speed. An urgent care simply can't do what the ER can do.  After a very short wait I was in a room in the ER and getting an IV.  I was able to get pain meds fast and that was good because the pain got so bad it was like I was going in and out of consciousness .  They had me do a quick CT scan just to rule out a blood clot in the lungs because a lot of my pain was in the left side of my chest and it was difficult to breathe.  The scan showed that the mass on my lungs has gotten bigger which was not good news but at least I knew what was causing the pain.  I was in the ER for about 5-6 hours and once my pain was under control and my palliative care doctor was able to adjust my pain patches I was on my way home.

     I had to go back to the hospital to do the scans that I missed while I was in the ER.  I was anxious to get the results, this scan would be more detailed and be read by my oncologist who review the scans with more experience.  I was happy to find out that the mass on my lungs had NOT gotten bigger. This was great news and maybe the first good news of any type we've gotten in a long time.  I get freaked out when I have trouble breathing and the pain over the last few weeks is constant.  I have started to cough up some pretty nasty "stuff" each morning and that is also alarming to me because it means that the mass is doing something and my body is trying to kick it out!  I wake up with a raspy noise when I breathe and that is how I know something is coming and it is not pretty.... yuck!

   



     Although the scan showed no progress in my lungs, it wasn't all good news. The cancer is spreading in my bones and spreading kind of quickly.  I had a really good conversation with my oncologist and he put it in perspective for me.  Even though it is moving fast, the bones are not a major organ like the lungs, liver or kidneys.  Bones are not vital to life and what they worry about with my bones is fractures.  They have been giving me meds for bone strength from the beginning so I am feeling pretty good about it.  The hardest part about it being in my bones is the pain, and all I have is more pain meds and radiation.  I met with my radiologist today and we discussed radiation but want to wait until I get through this next 3 rounds of chemo to see if it helps.  I start my new chemo on Monday and it's a harsh treatment that can really effect my white cell blood count.  If my white blood count gets too low they will not continue with my treatment.  When I did the red devil chemo last year my count got a s low as 0.5 and I was in the ER. I don't know if I will make it through all 3 treatments in consecutive weeks, we will just have to wait and see.


     I have been trying to plan a get away with some of my extended family and I am having a heck of a time trying to do it.  Part of me does not want to leave because I don't want to be away from my kids.  Part of me wants to go because it would be great to spend a few days on the beach, shopping and just relaxing.  After the past few weeks it makes me nervous to go too far so the plan of going to Cabo is out.  Now that I am starting a new chemo treatment and meds I'm not sure when I will be able to go, I am just going to have to play it by ear and try to get away in March... maybe.  I was able to take a few days and spend them at the happiest place on earth with just the 5 of us.  We spent 3 days and 2 nights and stayed at the Grand California which is an amazing resort.  It was so great to be able to see our kids laugh and just forget about what is going on and have fun.  The park was practically empty, maybe because it was the middle of the week or that the measles scare is still looming, it was perfect for us and so was the weather.  The kids were able to go on every ride they wanted to at least 3 times and I was even able to go on a few as well.  I was just happy to be with them and for all of us to laugh together.

     I had a few visitors and was so excited that a couple of my roomies from college flew in from Dallas and Salt Lake City for a few days.  We had a blast talking, laughing and shopping.  My favorite had to be just hanging out and catching up with all that we have going on.  They were able to come to a baseball game to watch our oldest play and we went out for a great dinner.  They are going to make another trip in a month or so and I can't wait for them to come back out.  Super Bowl was a great day and a ton of fun! We went over to a friends house with about 60+ people and had a blast watching the game.  It was such a good time and it was like being at the game with the 5 TV's and so many people every play had a huge reaction especially in the last 5 minutes.  I still can't get over the ending.  We were rooting for the Pats only because #34 is from our hometown and actually graduated from the same high school that our kids will go to, pretty cool.

     As always thank you for all the love and support and I promise I will post an update next week after my chemo treatment to let you all know how it is going.  Love you all!!