Just when I think that I am over it, I am comfortable with no hair that I am getting used to not working out, never having energy, always feeling sick it seems to just get kicked up a notch. I had what I thought was a good day yesterday only to be reminded today that I can't do it all and I am so tired, feel so sick and am so sore. I don't sleep at night or at least it is a very broken sleep and when I wake up I never feel quite rested. I went to get my blood draw today and my white blood count has been slowly going down each week but this week I fear it may be too low again. I have that feeling of dizziness and feeling so tired that I am scared that I won't be able to do chemo tomorrow and I really don't want to be delayed again. I know I only have 5 weeks left but this is when the doctor said that the symptoms would start compounding and I would start feeling them more. Each week the side effects just stack on top of each other and I feel it more and more so each week is a little more up hill. I just have to try and rest as much as I can but I am really getting sick of resting and I'm beginning to feel like I will never be myself again. I just so badly want normal again, not only for me but for my family. I have gotten in a groove for chemo, downloaded my movies for tomorrow, done my shopping for snacks and have my ride all set up but it still does not make easy to go to.
I got some bad news yesterday and wanted to give a shout out to my dear friend Cindee who is dealing with the effects of this horrible battle with her sister Lori. I know it is a very personal battle and don't want to speak out of turn. I only want to put good positive energy out there for her and let her know I am thinking and praying for her that she is at peace. I love you Cindee and Lori and I pray for you daily! I only wish there was something more I could do for you both. I have to think that I can honor you by fighting hard and keeping you in my prayers.
I had a great weekend with family and was able to get out and do some shopping and spend some time out and about, but I am paying for it today. It really was a nice day with my great sister-in-laws and an amazing Aunt. It reminds me how lucky I am to have such a great relationship with them all and how much of a support system I have around me. Here is to a better week and keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to do my treatment tomorrow. I have to keep a positive outlook that the next 5 weeks will be okay and that I will push through with flying colors.
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