As I sit and reflect on the past year, I find myself focusing mostly on the last half of the year, actually I find myself waiting for the ball to drop on TV snuggled in with the 4 most important people in the world! I think of all the emotions I have had, all the pain I felt but most of all, all the love that I continue to feel. I find myself swimming in a pool of gratitude. I am so thankful for the amazing husband I have who has stuck by me through this whole journey, who has held me up and held me tight. I am thankful for my 3 kids who are the strongest most loving and supportive kids a mom could ever ask for and still wear pink every Monday while I am at chemo. I am thankful for my family who has rallied around me and stepped up to the plate in so many ways. I am thankful for the most amazing circle of friends who have been there for me from the beginning to listen to me, cry with me, laugh with me but most of all just be there for me. I am so thankful for my church family most of whom I never saw and they all came to help with whatever I needed and some things I didn't even know I needed. I am so grateful that I was the one that God decided to carry this burden for my family. Knowing the type of support I would have and with the many trials already under my belt, like the 4 years of infertility, my many weight loss journeys (praying this is the one that finally sticks at down 113 lbs.) or the hardest one of all, leaving the hospital without my new baby twins and not being able to take them home for over 6 weeks. All of that has given me the strength to get through yet another trial. I am so grateful to be able to teach my children how important empathy and it is something they will carry though out their lives and hopefully call on often when dealing with people who may cross their paths. 
I also find myself feeling happiness and relief. Happiness that I only have 5 treatments left and I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Relief that it is almost over and I can start to look to the reconstruction phase that I hope to start in March or April. I also have the feeling of forgiveness in my heart. Forgiveness for some who may have been struggling with this journey in their own way. Some who I know love me very much but this has proven to be too difficult for them or that they have been and continue to battle their own journeys. I can't control what happens to me only how I react to it and I choose to be positive and only deal with what I can control, as much of this that is not in my control I just have to let go of it.
Looking forward into 2014 I see a world of possibility, I see endless opportunity and I can't wait to hit it head on! I see things a little different and know first hand how it all can be stripped away in the blink of an eye or rub of a breast. I know this blog has reached more that I ever thought it would and I ask you if haven't or don't think it could happen to you please get checked and check every month on your own. I did and I truly feel that it saved my life. I don't know what would have been different if I would have not checked while we were on vacation in July or if I would have waited to see my doctor. As scary as that time was it all had to happen and I had to do it for all of the reasons I am so grateful for today.
I truly hope 2014 is a much better year and that a year from now I will be back on my way to the old me but a little wiser, more hair, bigger boobs and definitely a new outlook on my amazing life that I got a second chance to realize how amazing it truly is! I hope 2014 brings you everything you hope it does and that all of those resolutions are achieved but most of all I just hope you are all BRAVE!!!
Goodbye 2013 you won't be missed or forgotten but 2014 watch out because I am on the mend and have lots of plans for you!!!!
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