Good news!!!

       I had my first treatment yesterday of my new meds and so far so good.  The first day after treatment has always been a good day for me and then I seem to hit a wall on day 2-5 so keep your fingers crossed that this new "cocktail" is not as tough as the last.  Treatment went well and I got some GREAT NEWS!!!  I don't have to take my shot any longer, I was so happy I almost cried!  She said that it was only needed during the "Kool-aid" phase and now that I am done with that I don't have to take it any longer.  You have no idea how excited I was.  She did tell me however that there are a new set of side effects that come with the new meds.  I will most likely get neuropathy that is when your fingers and toes get tingling in them like when they "fall asleep" and you wiggle them to "wake" them up.  My bone pain should lessen in such an isolated area but will continue more all over, only not as bad and I will start getting muscle aches all over as well, kind of like when you have the flu and are achey.  My most favorite (not really) new side effect is that I have to start taking steroids and I can plan on gaining weight, from what I have read anywhere from 10-30 lbs.  Ugh!!!! Really that is not what I wanted to hear at all.  I have worked so hard to get where I am and keeping the 100+ pounds off that I lost over 2 years ago.  I can only hope that this too is just temporary and this time next year all will be back to normal.

       My treatment was about 6 hours this week and hopefully next week will drop to a little over 5 and then go to 4 1/2 for the last 9.  I get 3 pre meds and then a large bag of chemo after that.  I didn't get a picture of it but will next week.  I was too distracted by a family in the treatment area that I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at.  It was a mom and her 2 daughters (both in there 40's).  They first caught my ear because they were so loud but what kept my attention was how the girls were talking to their mom.  They kept talking to her like a baby… no joke.  "You're okay mommy, don't be sad mommy, I'll hold your hand mommy, sit right here mommy."  Then they both would squat next to her and pet her like a dog.  One of the daughters stayed with her for her entire treatment and talked to her like that the whole time.  The little old man sitting across from them was so funny to watch and tried really hard to hide his laughing at them.  At one point one of the nurses (my favorite one) came over to me and asked if they were kidding, she said she felt like she was being filmed it was so funny.  I finally put my headphones on and fell asleep for a couple of hours.  When I woke up they were still going at it.

The 2 weeks from hell after my last treatment ended on a high note and we were able to have a fun weekend on a family outing.  We took the kids to a really good pizza place in Wes Hollywood and then headed down to the Grove for some shopping.  The kids love going down there to shop, see the fountains and get a yummy treat at the farmers market.  As my daughter calls it, it's like Disneyland for adults.  It was the night before the Christmas tree lighting so it was fun to see all the decorations and the stage all set up for the big show.  Speaking of shopping, I have made quite a dent in my Christmas shopping, I am about half done and am almost done with my kids as well.  I love to get done early because I tend to spend less and and can make sure I am not scrambling at the last minute.  It also helps because I have so many birthdays right around the holidays as well between my dad, husband and son on the 23rd, 26th and 27th.

I have had so many visitors and so many people thinking of me.  I love to read all of the sweet comments and messages.  It is funny though I just don't feel like talking about all that I am going through.  When I first found out I did talk and talked a lot but now I almost feel like I am just tired of talking and I don't really know why.  I don't know how I am suppose to feel and sometimes I almost feel guilty that I am not more "down" both physically and mentally.  Trust me I don't want to go where I was a week or so ago and I have always been such an upbeat person, I don't want to lessen what I am going through or seem ungrateful I just don't want to give cancer so much power over me and who I am.  Thank you to all of you for all the love and support, that is what gets me through everyday!!!!