Painful days

Sometimes the pain is so unbearable!  I don't know what to do or how to fix it.  The past 3 days have been filled with so much pain, I even described it as being as bad as child birth.  Friday night was the worst of it, my bones in my pelvis and thigh hurt so bad I only slept a few hours and I was in tears most of the night.  I started taking the pain meds on Thursday and actually took 2 on Friday.  I hate taking them because they make me so loopy and just knock me out.  When I wake up I am good for about 30 minutes and then have to lay down and that is where I stay most of the day.  I can't believe how much pain I am in sometimes and I can't imagine being like this for the next 3 months.  They give me meds (my shots) to take days 3-10 after treatment to push out as many white blood cells as I can. This is what causes my bones to hurt so bad.  On Saturday I actually stood and talked to myself in the mirror about whether or not to take my shot I was hurting so much, I just can't think about what this all means for the next 3 months.  I start my next treatment on Monday, and go once a week until February and if I follow the same treatment plan I will be on my shots everyday for the next 3 months and I just can't do that!!!!

Cold seems to help more than heat so I sit with a cold pack on my back for what seems like hours everyday, but I eventually need to get up and move.  Today was the first day I actually felt human and ventured out with my mom, but needed to stop and sit every 10 minutes or so.  Sometimes I think this is karma coming back to bite me in the ass because I was so fixated on how old and slow everyone seemed in the oncology department, now I know why, they all were feeling like I do now!

As usual on days 10-14 after treatment my mouth hurts so bad that I hate to even talk.  I'm so sorry if you see me and I don't seem like I am very talkative but it just hurts so much and it makes me so grumpy (just ask my husband and kids).  I still use my numbing mouthwash a few times a day and drink a ton of tea to help, but the pain is so constant.  One thing I might do is make one of those paper chains we made as kids. It can be a visual of how many days I have left of this nightmare process so at least I have something to look forward to and a way to mark off the days.

Things on my list to talk to the doctor about next week include; pain management, meds after future treatments, lack of sleep, white blood cell count and supplements to take during the next phase of treatment.  I can only hope that she has some good news for me.

As always love you and thanks so much for the support!